insane enterprise
by Princess Kaycee
Summary: The crue of our favorite star ship the Enterprise gets trapped on an away mission. While stuck there madness ensues and some become... Hatters, pirates, and just plain old Chekov.


Insane Enterprise

I do not own the rights to any star trek proceeds. It's illogical to think I did. (raises eyebrow.)

_**A/N This idea was my co writer/editor and best friend xXSassyBratXx when we were joking around. **_

_**WARNING... Complete insanity from here on, proceed at your own risk. **_

__The week was fairly normal for the crew of the enterprise. Fight klingons, escort an alien ambassador, fix a warp core. But nothing in the enterprise's fast library or memory banks could have prepared them for this.

"Sir we are coming in to range with an unknown planet." "Alright Sulu, stay at a safe range. Spock, give me stats."

"The planet below is class **M**, Sir. There are no readings of intelligent life. Or any life but plants and trees. No dangerous gasses or plant life." "Thank you. I want you to lead a landing party to scope out the area."

"Yes sir." "Sulu, Chekov, Dr. McCoy and that new crewmen Kalona will be accompanying you. Transporter room." "Aye sir, we'll be ready for them." "Thank you, mister Scott.

The landing party was beamed down to the planets surface with no problems at all. Well unless you count McCoy's complaining about scattered molecules a problem.

"Sir we can't seem to get a signal with our communicators." "Thank you mister Sulu. Doctor, is your tricorder working?" "Yes but barely. Spock, how are we going to get back on the blasted ship?" "I do not know, Doctor. I do know we need to find shelter. It would seem we will be staying the night."

"Well I saw a mighty fine cave entrance over that way." McCoy pointed to a medium sized entrance only a few feet away. "Alright Doctor, we will stay in the cave you so kindly found." "Well I'm not just a tired old country Doctor ya know."

"Dat is not vhat you've been telling us." Chekov said with a smirk on his lips.

"Why I outa!" "Easy Doctor." Sulu chimed in not wanting his friend to tick off the good Doctor.

The landing party entered the cave and almost instantly the mouth caved in on its self. They were trapped in a cave with no way out.

…...

"Uhura has the landing party comed in yet?" "No sir. I cant get a signal. There communicators must be out." "But how? I'm going down there. Uhura send two or three guards down with me." "Yes sir."

Kirk and the two guards beamed down to look for their missing crew members.

…...

"Vere going to die ve cant get out vhat are ve going to do mister Spock?" "Calm down Pav. We'll get out." "Hikaru our phasers are dead ve can't contact the ship and vere in a CAVE IN!"

"Doc you got something to calm him down?" "as a matter a fact I do. Kalona, you're trained in medical right?" "Yes I do." "Good can you give Freak out here a hypo." "Yes I can."

Kalona gave Chekov the Hypo and he relaxed instantly. "Huh whats in that stuff Doc?" "It's a form of tranquilizer but when given you don't go to sleep." "We should be finding a way to leave this place." "Yes Spock I know but I think Jim's got a party looking for us." "We can not be certain. I have high readings of a unknown gas in this cave."

"I thought you said there weren't." "I said I did not see any harmful gasses Doctor." "So your telling us were in a gas ball?" "That is not what I'm saying, Kalona. I'm saying if we inhale this gas to long I do not know the effects it will take." "Ya know I kinda like her shes got a wit." "I'm not afraid to use it either... Sir." "Ha that's somthin you don't get every day."

(one and a half hours latter.)

"I do believe the affects are starting to show them self's." "why do you say that you green blooded hobgoblin." "Well that." Sulu jumped down from one of the rocks landing right beside Chekov. "Haha Captain Hikaru Sulu. I am a pirate and YOU will walk the plank." Sulu pointed a long stick a Chekov thinking it's a sword. "Vhat have I done?" "I don't know. Ah yes you stole from my ship now walk." "Oh ok."

Chekov walked a few steps forward then fell to the ground in the invisible water. (rocky ground!) "Help HELP Help I cant svim I downing...gargle...Grgle." "Here catch this." Kalona threw a rock thinking it was a life supporter. "hey dat stung." "Sorry." Kalona shrugged.

"What the Blazes is going on. Spock what is ah what?" Spock was leaning against the wall with a book that said The best of Edgar Allen Poe. Spock was also wearing a top hat and long black over coat. "Yes Lenard?" "You... Uh you look like the mad hatter."

"why yes, yes I do. And you my friend look like a outlaw from you 19th sentry." "What I do no... I do. What the blazes is going on here?" "I do not know but I am enjoying it." "You enjoying wow this place really is messing with our heads." (beep beep)

The sound of one communicator rang through the cave. "Hello?" Kalona said as if she was talking on a cell phone. "Lassie ve cant find ye Vare are ya?" "In a cave." "Oh um lassie is every thing ok?"

"Yup Sulu's a pirate he mad Chekov walk the plank. Docs a cowboy or somtin, Oh and Spock has a top hat on."

"Oh um I vill try and look for you location and beam you back."

"Oky doky." "CLEAR THE WAY!" A phaser blast cleared a hole in the rocks big enough for Kirk to step through. "JIM you cant just walk in were trapped..." "Oh um ok." Kirk turned around and put the rocks back so they were trapped again.

"NO Jim wait don't leave me with these lones ahh." "Leonard we are not a type of duck." McCoy hit his head against the cave wall for a while. "Seeing as you survived the sharks I will promote you to first mate. Grab a sword." Sulu through Chekov a stick. (Sword!)

"Thank you caption." Spock went in to a quoting of the raven only this time he meant to not when charlie x made him. "Ahhh SCOTTY get us out!" Soon after McCoy yelled he saw sparkles in front of his eyes as well as the others.

"Aye your free. Now just let me decontaminate ye and your gone." "Oh thank the lord." "Aww I didn't wanna leave." "Kalona its better here." "I I thought I was a pirate? Wheres my sword oh haha a stick." "You made me valke the plank and then you made me first mate." "Oh haha funny huh pav" "Yes it vas."

"I want you all to get checked in medical." "Yes caption." (latter in sick bay.) Spock everyone had traces of that gas in them but you." "Yes Doctor it would appear that way." "But you were acting weird." "Was I Doctor." (rises eyebrow.) "I knew it you are madder then a hater."

"Doctor that statement is highly illogical. If we are done. I will be in my chambers." "Yeah yeah you hobgoblin leave." (Spock's room)

Spock sat with a Poe book in his lap and a hatter hat on his head. _**The crew must never know.. That I am the mad hater. **_

McCoy walked in to his room with a smug grin on his face. "Ah ha I knew it you are mad." "Doctor that is illogical. You look tired Doctor."

"What I am not I _hum na_" "Good night Lenard...Illogical highly illogical."

_**A/n So did the madness kill ya or make you fall out of you chair laughing? Tell me tell me now...**_

_**Thanks to the master mind behind this idea xXSassybratXx.**_

_**Remember I use flames to fuel the ship and Spock uses them to full his pipe.**_

_**Livee long and prosper. **_


End file.
